


I Can('t) Handle

by micaelllla



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: I'm Sorry, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 22:03:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4279545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/micaelllla/pseuds/micaelllla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha had to pretend that she didn't know who the Winter Soldier was. When he came back, she couldn't hide it anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can('t) Handle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [loki_princeofsassgard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/loki_princeofsassgard/gifts).



> Imagine that the italicized words are thoughts, and underlined words are spoken in Russian.

Steve had her pressed against the wall, his unwavering gaze pulling the information from her lips. Fury's death made her feel numb, disconnected. Natasha knew who killed him, and the information killed her.

"They call him the Winter Soldier."

_I called him my lover. My friend._

"He shot him through me. Bye bye bikini."

Remembering the betrayal made her hurt. It made her angry.

She had searched for him after, but he had disappeared. Natasha had gone on with her life. Budapest happened, and she filed away the Winter Soldier, never to be spoken of again. She should have known better.

* * *

It was Barnes. Of course it was Barnes. Natasha couldn't believe had never put it together. If only she had known back then. She could've done something. She wouldn't have cared. 

"He saw me, and he didn't even know me." Steve gazed out of the window to the busy street below. Natasha laced her fingers through his.

_He didn't know me, either. He had attempted an assassination on both of us, and he didn't know either of us._

"I'm sorry."

* * *

Steve pulled Natasha close to him, running his fingertips across her moonlit porcelain skin. 

"Come with me," he whispered into her hair.

"I can't," she sighed, kissing him again.

_I won't._

* * *

It's been a year. It's been a year since she walked away from him in the cemetery. It's been a year since he started the search.

Natasha had briefly flirted with Bruce, had opened up to him, but found that she couldn't bring herself to pursue it any further because the man she was in love with was searching the world for the man he was in love with. That she was in love with.

Steve would come back with Barnes, and she would have to let the loves of her life be happy with each other.

She could handle it.

* * *

He was back, and he was remembering, and she couldn't handle it.

Steve still shared tender nights with her, but now that Bucky remembered almost everything, only forgetting small details, Steve and Bucky kept their distance. Bucky couldn't look her in the eye, and Nat took the hint and stayed away.

She tried walking away from him. From them.

She couldn't do it.

* * *

"I love you," Steve kissed her collarbone. Natasha  breathed in, out, couldn't stop it. She started to cry. Steve pulled back. "What's wrong?"

Nat rolled over and quickly wiped away the traitorous tears. "I'm sorry," she had ruined the moment. "Can I tell you something?" Nat whispered. She let Steve pull her into his arms.

"Of course," Steve kissed the top of her head.

"When I was with the KGB, I was trained by a very dangerous assassin. We fell in love and were happy for a while. He went by a different name then - I never knew his real one. But he disappeared, and I couldn't find him. I went on with my life, but I never stopped loving him. He showed up again a few years later and tried to kill me, and I still loved him. I didn't see him again until he tried to kill me, you, Sam, Fury..." Steve tensed as he realized who it was. "And now he's sleeping downstairs, and I'm still in love with him. But I'm also so utterly and completely in love with you, and I don't know what to do." The room was quiet, but Steve had relaxed and was still cradling her. "You're in love with him, too. I know you are." 

Steve sighed and said, "Yes, you're right." He paused. "I'm sorry that you have been here for me as we've gotten him back, and I wasn't there for you."

"You didn't know." They were quiet.

"Bucky and I have always been close, but we've never been together. Maybe he still loves you, only you, and who could blame him?" Natasha reached up and pulled on his ear, gently telling him that his self-deprecation was showing. He smiled down at her, "The only thing that will settle this is to just talk to him about it."

Natasha hummed and said, "Okay. We'll both talk to him tomorrow. Together."

Steve kissed her and said, "Say it again."

She chuckled and whispered, "I love you Steve Rogers." 

She straddled him and he said, "I love you Natasha Romanov."

* * *

Natasha groaned awake, wishing the light coming from the window wasn't coming from the window. She was resting half on top of Steve, their bare chests pressed together, and she admired him through half-lidded eyes. She hissed as a cold arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her off of Steve and flush against Bucky's naked form. She turned over and glared at his grinning face.

"I don't understand how your arm is so fucking cold when you are a literal furnace," she rasped out.

"Because you steal all of the heat during the night," Bucky accused as he pulled her on top of him. Natasha smirked and kissed up his chest to his lips.

"You know, it's real disconcerting to wake up to Russian. How am I supposed to know if you're conspiring against my helplessly sleeping form?" Steve threw an arm around them. "Good morning loves."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I've never read the comics, so let's pretend that Natasha didn't know that it was Bucky when they had their thing.


End file.
